I have been dating this guy for the past 3 to 4 years. The relationship started on a rocky mess, he was engaged to a 5 year girlfriend of his. I still had sex with him all that time. Then he found out that his fiance was cheating on him, he was mad and came to me for support. I ended up falling in-love with him. Told him how I felt about him and we started dating. A few months into the relationship I found out he had 3 girlfriends outside of our relationship.
This one time he slept at one of the his girls’ place (5min drive away from where I stayed) and that night he ignored all my calls and texts. Woke up the next morning, brought me flowers to work and said sorry he didn’t see any of my calls as he slept early. I knew there and then that he was lying. I cried in front of him, he left and I was so angry. I kept it all in and he came back same weekend and had sex with me and apologized for lying. He confessed that he slept at one of his girls’ place. 6 months now into a relationship I find out about another girl he had been dating while he was engaged and in the relationship with me, I called and stalked the girl. I even got my friends to call her and scare her off.
I went through his phone and found out about other girls and a text to his ex where he was asking her for sex.His exact words in the text were; ‘I miss you. Where are you so I can come see you sikumbuzane ezakudala?‘ luckily the girl said no. This now is the same year 2013 I was in a car accident and had my car written off. He was the one I was calling for support and he was claiming to be supporting me and wanted me to recover from the accident,only to find out he was busy texting his ex asking for sex.
I found myself going crazy, calling girls threatening them, messing with his phone so he would stop chatting to them, calling him and keeping silent just to hear if he was with any woman. I was going mad with anger and fuid. I would drink bottles of wine on my own just to numb the pain, take sleeping pills so I wouldn’t deal with anything. I started hating work and didn’t want to get up in the morning. I was going mad. I saw myself changing, constantly cursing and defending myself every moment. I knew this wasn’t me. However I stayed in the relationship and thought I had forgiven him but I was just piling things up.
Fast forward to 2015, I found this guy who took my mind off the relationship and the pain I was in and had gone through – I cheated on my boyfriend with him. My boyfriend found out, threw a fit and kicked me out of his house. I walked but felt so bad for what I had done even today it still eats me. I know deep down that to an extent I had stopped loving my boyfriend, and I didn’t love this guy I cheated with either. He just helped me numb the pain when my calls weren’t answered or when I was told how crazy I am and I should get over myself.
I thought my boyfriend would dump me after finding out I had cheated on him, but instead he insisted we work things out. As we were working through things I found out that he had found a new girl (student), whom my friends told me they saw her with him. I confronted him, he said I must stop entertaining rumors, I believed him yet again (dumb me). Until one day I bumped into him and this girl, I called him, and he responded with a cold hi as if he didn’t know me. I froze for close to 5 min as they walked towards his car. My brain was back, I ran to them and introduced myself and told the girl who I was. She couldn’t believe it and he got into his car and drove off. The girl told me that he said we had broken up.
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My question is; Should I still try work things out with him? I feel very dumb at the moment as I just don’t trust him, and I know I don’t ever want to go crazy ever again.
Being alone is cold and sometimes I just want to make someone happy and be there for him and be in-love. I’m 26 and don’t want to get to a stage where I’m in desperate need for a man because I’m too old.
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By Anonymous