I met my boyfriend 4 years ago through his sister. 5 months in the relationship I fell pregnant with our sons,he has a daughter from his previous relationship and so do I. The problem began 10 months into the relationship after the death of his father. I was there for him being supportive through out the whole time and even went to the funeral with my big bump even though in our culture it’s not allowed. When I got there he ignored me and gave all his attention to his ex (baby mama), it hurt me so bad. After the funeral I called him and he was just brutally cold towards me. I felt so alone and hurt, I ended up drinking pills trying to commit suicide but luckily someone found me and I was saved along with my kids. While at the hospital he didn’t even come to visit me, and now when I ask him about it he tells me that my mom told him not to go see me.
After his father’s funeral he cheated, moved in with the girl and the neighbours told me. I called him to confront him and he told me it’s a lie. I called his friends who told me that it’s true and I decided to dump him. A month later he came back and asked for my forgiveness and told me that he dumped that girl, I asked the neighbours and they confirmed that she’s not around anymore. I forgave him and 3 months later our sons were born he came to see them and he only stayed for 10minutes because he was in a hurry to go out with his friends – I let it go. When the twins were 4 months he came again to see them he spent a week and even proposed I accepted not knowing #sigh.
The night before he proposed I was shown in my dreams that he was cheating on me with a Xhosa girl, even the name was revealed in my dream also that they were naked pictures in his phone. His password was also revealed in my dream. So the next day I stole his phone put in the password and found all the information from my dream was true. I sent him a watsapp message while we were having dinner with his family and told him to delete all that and I didn’t tell/ask him about the girl I let it go. When our son was 6 months old we moved in with him. That’s where I discovered that I was dating a serial cheater. He would lie and say that he’s busy on his phone talking to some friends to help me find a job and the fool that was me believed him. Love neh, it really is blind. Until one day we had a huge fight and he was drunk I stole his phone only to break my heart into pieces I found his watsapp conversation with more than 25 girls and from all of them he wanted their private parts pictures including a girl who I was trying to befriend. I called that girl and when she got into the house I confronted them and asked if they are dating which they denied, mind you that these two were friends and this ended up breaking their friendship until now they hate each other because the girl is angry that my boyfriend promised to delete the picture but he never did and I ended up catching them.
Fast forward to our sons being 2 years now he continued not buying food in the house, every month end he would sleep out the whole weekend only come back Monday noon with no cent. Towards the end of the year he lost his job and by that time I had gone back home and got myself a job. He went home in December, then January he got a new job. Back at home I was planning to move out of my parents’ house and he told me that I should choose between moving out and staying alone and moving back in with him…..silly, foolish me I quit my job and went to move in with the serial cheater. He continued with his ways not sleeping at home not buying food coming back home broke. 2 months after I had moved back I said to myself enough is enough. One month end he did his usual thing but that weekend I made a decision that I’m leaving. Monday when he came back I had all my bags packed and when he entered the house I took all my stuff and left him with his 2 year old twins. I went to my father’s family cos I knew they would support me which they did. I spent a week without eating because I was terribly worried about my kids. On Sunday I sent him a message asking how my kids were doing and he told me sh*t and said that it’s over. Later that day his sister sent me a message telling me that he’s put in another girl and himself as a profile picture with the status message saying he’s so in love he can’t even eat. I asked a friend of mine to take a screen shot of that which I sent to him via Facebook messenger and told him to forget that we ever happened, he didn’t reply. Ohh I forgot to say this while on my way to my father’s family I hacked into his Facebook ( I’m very good at hacking. I can hack your social media lol) Yooohhh how I wish I didn’t do that because I found more evidence of what I already knew. I found that every morning on his way to work his job was to Shela/Freya girls on his Facebook inbox telling them how beautiful they are and he loves them.
He sent me a message after a week begging me to please come back home he’s struggling with the kids and his job which I told him that I’ll be back after a few days. The truth is, I loved the man and I missed my kids. I went back to find my kids the other one had burnt on his leg, the other looked like he had not eaten in days, his mouth was all dry and that broke my heart. I regret ever leaving them but I had to teach him a lesson because he always threatened me that if I leave him he’s not gonna maintain the kids. I believed him because he’s not maintaining his daughter and I don’t know why. The day I came back we spoke and we were fine the next day I asked him about the girl and he lied and said that it was just a girl he met in a taxi nothing serious. I believed him until I hacked into his emails and found out that they actually work together. I also found a box of condoms with one missing, as I was busy cleaning I find a till slip that shows the condoms were bought the same day I left him. When he got back from work I confronted him asking him who he was sleeping with while I was away and he said no one. I showed him the till slip, he continued to lie and said that he was buying them for a friend until I took them out and threw them at him along with his engagement ring. I told him that he’s not ready so when he is he will marry me and that broke his heart in pieces until today I still haven’t taken the ring back and I don’t plan to.
It’s just over a year now since he’s quit alcohol, he sleeps at home month end and to me that meant the cheating had stopped until he sent me an email that was meant for another girl because we work for the same company now. That Friday after he sent me the email we were on our way home and I could tell that he saw that he made the mistake, he asked what’s wrong and I didn’t reply when we got to the taxi stop I confronted him about the email and this cheat decided to turn the whole thing on me telling me that I’m sleeping with our company’s security guy and this old man I sat next to in the taxi every day. Because of anger I slapped him across the face in front of every one at the stop and he didn’t fight back, he took it like a man,so for me that meant he has not stopped cheating like I had thought he had stopped. The other day I was helping him with something and that required his email address and password to which he gave me without thinking that I’d find something. As I was busy with his emails I found pictures of his baby mama and that girl I slapped him for who he lied about and said that she’s just an ugly church going girl only to see that she’s none of that and they were pictures of other 5 girls who I think he’s dating. The other picture is of him on his birthday biting a girl’s ass, and that weekend he,said to me he was going to a funeral, I had packed condoms for him, he came back with them only for him to have an STD two weeks later and he said the doctor told him that it has to be because he’s had it before and he had a story to back it up that before we met he got it and now it’s back again., the other picture is of a woman’s private parts and that lady is so old she’s got a 17 year old son. I even had the evil idea of posting that picture of hers for the world to see but I won’t because my boyfriend has already done that for me as he has distributed those pictures to his friends so it’s only a matter of time until they are exposed or I can always hack their emails and leak the pictures never mind that, that’s the devil in me speaking.
I’ve recently fallen in love with my best friend who is a pastor and not married but he told me that he loves me too much but we can’t date and that he’ll explain why when we meet. I’m going home this weekend to find out why.
So please my fellow bloggers advise me. Do I stay with this cheat and hope that he will change one day or should I move on? It looks like he hasn’t learned because every time he cheats I catch him.
He’s planning to pay lobola next month and to be honest I don’t think I want to marry him probably because I’ve fallen in love with the pastor. I mean what I feel for him can’t be love, how do I love someone who has hurt me so much in a short space of time? I’m with him because I’m scared that he will stop maintaining his kids and I don’t earn enough to do it on my own. I’m living a lie,sad,miserable life just for the sake of my kids. I’ve never cheated on him unless if fantasizing about my friend is considered cheating.
What should I do?
I promise to give you feedback after I’ve made a decision. 😉
(Please don’t judge coz I won’t judge you. I know you jcers)
By Anonymous