‘I never used to believe it but now I do. Friends and money don’t mix at all.’
This is what I said to my other half a few months ago when I was very upset after being disappointed by a close friend about some money situation.
His response was: “That is not true. Good friends and money DO mix, a lot. Only bad friends and money don’t mix. My friends and I help each other out financially whenever we need to. It has never messed up our friendship”
What he said to me made sense. I was reacting out of anger and emotion when I said that. The truth is; yes friendship and money do mix. I have been helped by my friends a lot of times, and I have helped my friends too. But then what happens when you lose a friend over money? Is it worth it?
I recently had a huge fall out with someone I considered a true friend. This friend asked for my help financially, and they were supposed to pay me back at end of November 2015. Keep in mind this is not the first time I’ve given them money – but it was the first time the amount was so high. We usually borrowed each other hundreds not thousands. Me getting to thousands was that I trusted them, they had earned their trust as far as money is concerned. This is the same person that would bail me out even when I least expected it. But then this time I was disappointed.
Anyway, the money I gave them was not gonna be needed/used by me urgently so when they asked me for help and said they’ll pay me back by the time I need to use it then I didn’t hesitate to assist. Fast forward to end of November and the friend goes silent on me. A few days int December I asked them about the money and they said I’ll get it by the 18 December. Come 18 Dec, no word from them. The whole of December this person was alive and kicking busy updating WhatsApp pics and FB, but not saying a word to me. I didn’t want to be pushy, so I gave them space thinking they’d eventually come to their senses. We’ve been friends for years and for the first time I never got a Christmas or a New Year message from them. Clearly the friendship was gone. I started losing my cool. Why do I have to run after you, for you to pay me back my money? It got worse, they stopped responding to my text messages, they’d read my Whatsapp and not reply, they’d ignore my calls. At this point, I am at the highest blood pressure figure you can think off. I’m feeling angry and disrespected. Why do to me what I wouldn’t even dream of doing to you?
Early January I sent them an SMS, WhatsApp, Email (to both their addresses) asking where my money was as it was time for me to use it. They called me a few days later (on a Monday) and said I will have the money that Wednesday. I didn’t blow up, I just said ‘Ok Thanks’. Come Wednesday….lutho. Till end of January no luck, calls and messages were still being ignored. Then I decided to involve my legal team to chase after them before I take them to court. They called my friend and guess what, the call was answered, which is proof that my calls were being ignored. They told my legal rep not to take further action and said they’ll pay within 48-72hrs which again never happened. That drove me mad. How did we get here? From being close friends to this? Listen, I had no problem with the fact that they couldn’t pay me at the time, my issue was lack of communication. If you don’t have the money, you don’t have it. Don’t lie to me, don’t give me hope, don’t put me in debt because of your lies. We are friends and we’ve seen each other at our lowest so where is the pride coming from all of a sudden? Is it really pride or just pure disrespect? Some days I feel stupid for delaying taking further legal action against them, some days I feel stupid for not listening to people who encouraged me to splash their name,picture and business on social media forcing them to #PayBackTheMoney, because through it all I am still putting them first, I am still considering their feelings/reputation, I am still acting like we are friends when in actual fact that bus is long gone because nje I am being shown the middle finger 24/7. And if the lines of communication were open between us, y’all sure wouldn’t be reading about this, because I wouldn’t be this hurt.
As I speak I was only paid almost a 3rd of the money I am owed early Feb from their business account. I was contacted by this friend’s business partner and lover telling me that he had told my friend to call me and that the rest of the money will be paid at the end of Feb. I never heard from my friend, not even a ‘Hi’. It’s early March now and I haven’t received the balance. So yet again, I am expected to run around and chase after them, remind them to do the right thing? Really? The crazy part is that, only one friend was shocked that this friend had done this to me. The rest were like; ‘You should have known you can’t trust this person because they have done ABC to you in the past. How do you trust them after that? I don’t and I wouldn’t.‘ Yes this person had disappointed me more than once in the past. But never where money was involved. We always used to be cool in that department hence I never doubted them or questioned. So now is it my fault that I tried to help a friend wholeheartedly and it backfired? Should I have known better? Was I wrong for giving a friend the benefit of the doubt when they needed my help even after they’d given me reasons that they couldn’t be trusted? 
How do you pick up the pieces in such situations guys? Because right now, as much as I miss our friendship a huge hole has been dug. I just want them to pay me what’s mine and I will never bother them again. If I didn’t need this money I’d keep it pushing and let them be, but I can’t afford to do that. And I repeat: It’s not that they couldn’t or can’t pay me; it’s the fact that the lines of communication were closed. So basically I was told to f*ck off. This is a person who knows my struggles and responsibilities.
Have you ever lost a friend over money? We have mutual friends and sooner or later we will cross paths, what is going to happen because I feel like this was the final straw? How does one act? I pray that the day we happen to bump into each other, I’d have received all my money otherwise gloves are gonna come off in public. It’s really hard for me to fake a smile or a convo unless I am getting paid for it.
By @KikiMarli