In 2010, I had just qualified to practice medicine and my life was great. My friends and I were finally making money and affording things we had all dreamt about. Most of my friends started getting married to their tertiary boyfriends & having babies. I had my 3 year old daughter but her daddy didn’t want anything to do with me. I always found myself lonely and being asked when am I getting married etc.
Fast forward to 2011, I heard in the hospital passages that there is a new doctor (Bongani), who is single and handsome. All the girls wanted him and he was a Head of Department, which made him more attractive. I wanted to see him, so I used my brother by taking him to Bongani for examination just so I can catch a glimpse. I then went back to my department where I was pretty close to a senior nurse and told her, out of sharing gossip with umntu ongumama kum. I was never ready for the advice.
I was desperate, all my friends were in serious relationships if not married, so I agreed when she took me to a Sangoma. We drove for more than 4hours to get there, and I was told that Bongani would be into me in no time. I was given bathing things and more, and also something I should put into his food. So I baked him muffins to thank him for treating my brother. He was grateful.
Within a week we started dating.He told me that he had a girlfriend who lived 3 hours away, but was gonna end things with her if I gave him a baby, since he was old and didn’t have children. I told him; he must marry me first and I will give him a lot of children. We had been seeing each other for 2months, then he proposed.
On the other side his relationship with his ex (Andiswa) crumbled and she couldn’t understand what happened. All I did was to distract him from her, in one email she wrote about being admitted for depression, I deleted it before he could see it. Truth is, I had told him that I’d handle Andiswa for him. I researched everything about her, what she liked and did for him etc, because I was so desperate to keep him and have this little family. Andiswa is beautiful, she used to model, enjoyed baking and cooking, so I also followed suite. I baked and cooked for him, but I could see Bongani missed her, because in his sleep he would say her name, but I did not care as long as I got him.
Fast forward to 2016, we are married with 2 children. He is not as affectionate as he was, he just fights me for no reason, he goes on holiday alone. I had forgotten that I used muti on him. So I went back to the nurse that took me to the Sangoma, I was told she has passed away. I don’t even remember where we went in 2011 it was too far. I tried going to someone else but I was told that I need to go to my original Sangoma so he can fix things for me. I was told that my marriage is in trouble, because there is a woman who still cries even today over my husband. And that I should apologise to her, maybe she will forgive me.
I am sitting here with stretch marks from my hip down with a man who resents me, he goes as far as saying Andiswa would’ve done this better. Last week we saw Andiswa at a restaurant, it was his first time seeing her after a while. He couldn’t stop starring at her. She looked so beautiful, and he made a comment about how Andiswa will always be beautiful.
Please advise, I actually don’t know what to do. 🙁
By Anonymous
(Bongani & Andiswa – not their real names)