On Monday night I had a chat with a friend of mine, she is going through a divorce. She was telling me how stressed she is and that her divorce has been more stressful than the actual marriage.
She has two kids with her soon to be ex husband, she says he has turned into a monster. She can’t believe that this is the same man she was married to for 7years. The same man that stood by her and held her hand when she was giving birth to their children. He cheated on her twice, and she filed for divorce.
Now, this man has been trying to kill her, tried to kidnap the kids, stole a lot of money from her account, and he is on a mission to destroy her business and reputation by sending out dirty/ugly emails to her clients,suppliers and whoever is on her mailing list. I got 2 of the emails myself and that’s why I called her to ask what was really going on? She says the family has given up, and it seems the restraining order has made things worse. So when I saw that statement made by Kay Bouy on his 5 Things about men handling heartbreaks worse than women, I chose to reserve my comments, because I believe it’s just an excuse used by men when they feel guilty that their shenanigans have backfired.
Anyway, this got me wondering why do things end up getting ugly between couples? Married or not, there are only a few breakups that end maturely. The rest, it becomes WAR! Why? I remember my first heartbreak, I was hurt, I was bitter, I was angry and I graduated from being mean to being evil. I didn’t care and I was ready to revenge.
You know when you think you have been good to someone, gave it your all and then they hurt you and not even thank you for the good you did? That’s how I felt and that killed my spirit and my self esteem somehow and I lost myself. All of a sudden I befriended the wrong people, or the wrong people came my way. I think I was hearing voices shem..Lol! I started taking wrong advice because I wanted to make him pay for hurting me. I was being fed all sorts of ideas like; send some guys to hijack him and beat him up badly, go to a sangoma and loya him, throw boiling oil on him, temper with his car so he gets involved in an accident, go to his work place and cause a scene. Believe it or not, I considered ALL of the mentioned. I was in control, I was brave and it felt like I was licenced to correct a nigga.
Then before I could start my mission to revenge, my neighbour woke me up from that world of bitterness. She was a nurse, she said to me; “Kiki, I see evil in your eyes. I am now uncomfortable around you. Whatever you plan on doing, don’t lose yourself and rob your daughter of her mother. If you do anything illegal to this man, you will end up breastfeeding from jail, and that’s how your daughter is going to remember her mother.“ I looked at my baby, so tiny, so innocent, with no idea of what was happening. I froze! And that was when I threw in the towel, washed my hands and walked away with nothing but my little angel and a broken heart. It felt OK!
When I think back now, I laugh at me and my friends sitting and plotting revenge. I wanna slap myself for wasting time and allowing myself to stoop that low. I am glad, I never got to a point of doing something bad that was going to haunt me for the rest of my life. Most of all I am glad I am more mature now and I can handle heartbreaks better.
I wanna know; How do we get to a point of being so broken that we hate or hurt the person that at some point we couldn’t live without? We move from deep love to deep hate. The person you used to love with your all, the person you used to protect and consider your soulmate turns into your #1 enemy. You can’t even stand being under the same roof. Worse if you have mutual friends, they will have to choose sides otherwise it’s another world war. It’s like the day we separate, means you stay the hell away from my family and my friends. Can’t we end things kahle? At this very moment, considering my friend’s situation – I have already taken a side. She didn’t ask me to take her side, it just came natural. Her husband is now my ‘enemy’ too. I don’t think if I bump into him I will even greet him. 
Tell me guys, have you ever been pushed to that point of becoming evil, only because of a broken heart? How did you handle it?
By Kiki Marli
@KikiMarli