When we were growing up,our parents used to choose friends for us. I am sure we all went through that. We were given orders and you were not even allowed to question or debate. All we were ever told was ‘stay away from that girl, I don’t even want her in my house’. Back then we thought our parents were being dramatic because honestly it didn’t make any sense.
Fast forward to today, I look back and as a parent myself I am doing the exact same things that my mum did – choosing friends for my daughter. I guess it’s a cycle. When I think back it becomes clearer and now I understand why I was ordered to not befriend certain people. I grew up with that mentality. I still see some of those ‘kids’ I was told to stay away from and all I see is trouble and stress in their lives. I have made friends as I go through life but some we fall off each other for different reasons. Our dreams, priorities all differ. You realise that what you thought was cool then, is a waste of time for you now. It was fun to party 24/7 but now you are over that. And just because you are changing, you expect your friends to change with you and if they don’t, chances are you will grow apart, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
So how important is the company we keep? The other day when I was at church the Pastor was preaching about the company he used to keep. He said he used to be part of a group of friends and they always went out to have fun together and they did a lot of gossiping. Then he felt he needed to change his way of living. He’d still hang out with his friends but made sure that as soon as he gets home he prays and asks for forgiveness for being part of the gossiping crew because naye he was still gossiping with them. He did this for months and then he got irritated because he was asking for forgiveness for the same thing over and over again. So he felt another step had to be taken. He tried to talk his friends out of that kind of world they were all in but they shut him out and started criticizing him for thinking he is ‘all that’. So he had to separate himself from the people he had been friends with since his school days. All because he felt they were now a bad influence in his life.
How do we choose our friends? How do we keep our friends? I am a very stingy person when it comes to my time and as much as I am bubbly I choose who I am being buddy buddy with. There are some people who change friends nonstop. Every time you meet them they have a new bestie. I ask myself how they do it.
I personally think that we are the company we keep because we choose who we keep in our space. I am at a point in my life where I believe we attract who we are. We all want to be treated well, loved and appreciated by those we value in our lives. But the most important question is ‘what do you bring to the table wena self?’ Yes we know what we want, but do we sit down and ask ourselves what we will be giving. There is a part in a song by Lyfe Jennings that says ‘Be the person you want to find, don’t be a nickel out there looking for a dime.’ So when those close to me compliment me for being a good person to them I always say “I give as I get.” If I am good to you just see you in me because what I am giving you is exactly what you are giving me otherwise I wouldn’t be there. I am not one of those people that sits in one spot for years waiting for a change in a situation or in a person. I am very impatient. So when I meet that person that treats me well, the way I want to be treated then I guarantee you, our friendship is solid. But like I said, as people we change because of different reasons but when I see that change in me or the other person then I excuse myself because I don’t want to be that person that is always known to be on a mission to change people. Whatever change I make in my life is for me. So it’s either it’s a good change that is beneficial to those close to me so they change with me or it’s a change that is bad for them and they cut me loose.
- So do you also believe you are the company you keep?
- Do you believe bad company corrupts good character even though you know the difference between right and wrong?
- How many close friends do you have? How long have you been friends? And what made you decide that this person deserves to be in your life as a friend?
- What is a friendship breaker to you? That one thing or behaviour that will make you end a friendship? (Please don’t bring the sleeping with my man into this one). There is more to life. Lol
by Kiki Marli
@KikiMarli